Your Most Authentic Self

One Facet to Living A Fulfilled Life

Photo by Birmingham Museums Trust on Unsplash

Happy Monday, friends! I meant to get this post out a little early, but with an upcoming Staff Retreat and many revisions, I didn’t have the chance to get this out on Sunday. The good news? I’ll most likely have two posts out this week!

As always, thanks for the follows and for subscribing! Your support is a real treat.

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In the past few weeks, I’ve been working to solidify the internship I am required to complete for my MA in Teaching English as a Second Language in order to graduate. The process has been a little bumpy, with quite a lot of uncertainty and an insane amount of waiting. In a flash of inspiration, the Lord worked and led me to Living and Learning International, an organization that partners with many Christian colleges around the US to provide Christ-centered opportunities for domestic and international internships. I discovered that they had a podcast on Spotify, and one of the titles was “If You Wear A Mask, Only Your Mask Gets Loved.”

The podcast is a short interview with Regan Beck, a student who studied abroad at Living and Learning International. Beck shares her experiences living in Ecuador and discusses the things that made her time in the country truly special. The organization hosts a chapel for the students, and Beck speaks of the chapel's theme, the mask. 

I’m a literal thinker. I’ll admit, when I read the title, I thought of the physical mask, like those worn during the lockdown. The thought didn’t make much sense to me, but I thought someone was being poetic. “If you wear a mask while out and about, you’ll only be loved because you’re wearing the mask.” 

What a goofy thought, I had said to myself and shook my head. But then I felt a prodding, something that said, “No, think about it a little deeper.” 

Then the answer hit me. If you determine to live your life wearing a mask and concealing who you were made to be, that false life will be the only thing that receives love and appreciation. Your most authentic self will be weeping, crying from neglect because it was concealed. It will never receive the love that is intended for it because it is hidden.

The thought struck me so deeply and reminded me of an idea that I’ve been thinking about lately: your most authentic self. 

Growing up, and even as a young adult, I had a lot of chameleon-like tendencies. I would fit in, molding myself to “belong” with other people around me. If they liked certain music artists, I would, too. If they watched those TV shows, I would, too. While it is never wrong to be influenced by others, this was an extreme case of going with the flow. I think this stemmed from difficult relationships with some close people who all herded around the same interests while excluding those who were different from them. The pain of the subtle rejection I experienced was acute, and I didn’t want to deal with it. I decided to live a life tethered to what other people liked, fearing that if I showed my unique interests, I would be mocked for who I was. 

Take it from me: it’s a painful way to live. And I don’t tell you about it to garner sympathy or complain about my life. It’s a warning issued to anyone who feels like they need to hide who they are in fear of rejection. To those who feel like they can never be themselves because they’re too odd, too different, too intense.

If you are a Christian like I am, let me remind you first that God created you to be so uniquely you in everything that you do. The great news is that the same still applies to those who aren’t Christians. My God is not a respecter of persons. He plays no favorites. He authors a unique and beautiful story for each and every person, no matter the age, location, or ability of the individual. You are made for a specific purpose, and everything about you is here on this earth for a distinct and special reason. I pray that we all find just what that would be. I believe that, from your interests to your hobbies to the job that you work, God has entrusted all of these to you to enjoy and complete in your own unique way. David marveled at this in the book of Psalms, saying, 

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Marvellous are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well.”

He knew for a fact that the Lord had created him so uniquely and individually, and he confidently and purposefully praised Him for such. But just how could David do this? How could he be so confident while growing up in the midst of outspoken older brothers who were physically stronger than him and a nation filled to the brim with comparison and frustration? 

How can we do the same in times when we’re inundated by opinions over who we should be and what we should do? How can we confidently and purposefully live our lives as our most authentic selves? 

I think that it starts with recognizing yourself for who you were made to be. 

In the Psalm David penned, in which the verse above can be found, he speaks of the power of God in His all-knowing, all-powerful ability. David knew that God was completely aware of who David was as a person. Verse 3 says:

“...thou art acquainted with all my ways…”

David was aware of the fact that God knew every single thing about him, encompassing the positive and the negative attributes. In Verse 17, David recognizes:

“How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!” 

If the very God that created David had many precious thoughts toward David, despite the wonderful and shameful things in his life, he could be so certain that he was loved for who he was. The very same thing can be said of us. And just as God orchestrated David’s life to use him in great ways, we, too, can pray to make a distinct and beautiful difference for Him. 

It all boils down to a specific thought: the world needs who you were made to be. There are people that you will encounter in your life that need who you were made to be. And maybe you need that person too. 

I’ll give you an example. 

When I was a kid, I loved learning about Asian culture. Just about everything I liked had something to do with Japan. When I played video games, I really only played games made by Nintendo. I often read about missionaries who would travel to East Asia and what their experiences were like. I remember telling my mom that I wanted to learn the steps to owning and wearing a kimono when I could. 

That love grew and grew as I got older, and I started to learn about Korean history and culture, which added to my love of Japan. I often felt odd in my youth group because, at this point in life, girls were starting to talk about what boys they liked and the popular movies of the day. While I would contribute to some of these conversations in order to be friendly, I didn’t really have an interest in such things and continued learning about East Asia and dreaming of the day that I could visit. I would buy Asian makeup brands and style my hair in cute ways to mimic the trends of the day because the styles made me feel cute and confident. Though I didn’t know it at the time, the Lord had placed a calling in my heart for East Asian missions, a calling I would learn about in my sophomore year of college. 

At times, I felt a little silly, especially when the topic of cultural appropriation was a hot-button issue. A portion of my family is Hispanic, coming from Puerto Rico. I never grew up in a Spanish-speaking household, however, and felt a bit separated from the culture. I had friends from completely Hispanic families that I found difficult to relate to because their homes were nothing like mine. And yet, I was still Hispanic — What right had I to love the Asian cultures so much when they were never cultures that I lived in or experienced personally? 

The odd feeling continued until my junior year of college. The restrictions had been lifted from the lockdown, and the international students we used to have at our college were able to return. Five girls from Korea came to school that fall, and we connected instantly. I would ask them specific questions about their lives in Korea, making sure never to badger them or be a nuisance but always working to be a friend. We worked to get their international paperwork taken care of, and we would talk about music and what makeup brands we liked. 

One friend, I noticed, was more closed off as she began to study in the US. She wasn’t as confident in her English, and that made her nervous when she interacted with people. We were in the same degree program and had quite a few classes together, so I made it a priority to be her friend. We would eat meals together, study together, and I would help her with her papers since she needed someone to proofread to make sure that she was communicating well.

One class we shared, I remember, had a new textbook that we had to buy and read for the class. I had an Amazon account and she didn’t and the campus bookstore wasn’t going to have the books for a while. I took the initiative and bought an extra book for her just to help her out. 

That morning, in chapel, a guest speaker preached on Barnabas, who’s known in the Bible as the Son of Consolation. He often gave of what he had to help others, selling what he owned and giving the proceeds to meet the needs of the early church. I always loved hearing about Barnabas, and this time in chapel was no other. The speaker admonished the student body to “be Barnabas” to our fellow classmates. That afternoon, while walking to lunch, I let my friend from Korea know that I bought the textbook for her. 

“Bekah, I feel like you are my Barnabas,” she told me, and I nearly cried tears of joy. “You are always so willing to help me. I appreciate it.” 

I thrive off of being able to help others when I have it in my power to do so. I want to seek to meet the needs of others, and the satisfaction that fills my heart is like nothing else. It was at this moment that I realized that my love for the culture opened a door for me to be able to help these Korean students and to make a new friend. Not only that, but helping my friend and teaching her the meanings of different English words and how to use them effectively opened my eyes to my love of teaching, which would lead me to a desire to teach English as a Second Language. 

My insecurity about my love for Asian culture was answered with love one day as I nervously said to these girls, “I know it’s a little weird as an American to love the culture so much. You see, I just want to learn because I want to be a missionary.” 

They gasped and looked so pleased, saying, “Bekah, please come to Korea! We would love to have you!” 

I could have sealed away my love for the cultures, following the trends of what everyone else said they enjoyed. But my most authentic self, who loved learning languages and helping people, wouldn’t have been loved in the way that was needed. My friend wouldn’t have been able to complete her classes as well as she wanted to, and she would have had one less friend.

While parts of your most authentic self may seem odd to others, and it may take some time for you to find your place, your confidence in who you are can inspire those you come in contact with. When you dwell in truth and live in a way that is healthy for yourself and for others around you, you’ll find your time to shine. There’s no better feeling than when you can live and love others as your unique self. 

You owe it to yourself and to the people in your future to live life authentically. And you’ll find, just like I did, that there are parts of yourself that you never knew existed. Parts that can inspire and thrive in the love that can be given them.

I still have those chameleon-like tendencies at times. When first joining Substack, I struggled with being open about my faith. I was new to the platform and unaware of the beautiful community of Christians I would find who would encourage me in my walk with Christ. Being around these people has inspired me to be who I am and to share the beautiful news of God’s love with those who come across my account. 

I’ll probably struggle with times when I want to hide my most authentic self, but I think if I continue to surround myself with those who have seen that authenticity and love it for what it is, I’ll be encouraged to continue living the life that has been made for me. 

My friend, don’t hide that authenticity. Let it shine. Odds are, you’ll inspire someone to do the same.