The Busyness of Life

A Collection of Things That I Have Learned

Photo by Art Institute of Chicago on Unsplash

Happy Saturday, my friends! Thanks for your patience in waiting for another post; while I have many ideas of what I want to write about, I hit a block of mental exhaustion, and many of my disciplines slipped for the last two weeks. I’ll actually be talking about it in this post today, as it’s something that I think a lot of people may struggle with. I hope that September has been treating you well and you’ll enjoy my thoughts in this post!

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The fall season is upon us. While you may not see it much here in Southern California, you can feel the effects. If you’re a student, you’re getting into the routine of classes; the air smells just a bit different; the warm weather is slipping away, being replaced by cool weather that welcomes sweaters and turtlenecks.

For some reason, the fall season has always been special to me. Perhaps it’s because it appears for a moment, only to disappear and usher in winter. But perhaps it’s because it marks a significant change as well. It makes me think of the beginning of the year and where I was at that time. “Look at how much time has passed,” I marvel with a shake of my head, wondering how the weeks could feel so long and yet the months feel so short.

But with that reflection comes disappointment in myself. I look at the goals that I had this year and how much faith I had in them. There’s a distinct point where these goals dropped away completely — that accursed month of March. I had been disciplined in my Bible study and in writing the widows of my church and the girls in my kid’s Bible class. I journaled frequently and read almost every day. It was such a high point in my life.

At that time, I decided to take two classes to continue my MA in TESL. I thought I could handle the load, and I could for a while. But then I got focused on myself. I worried for the future, wondering if I would ever use what I learned in my classes. My mind was focused on asking, “What if?” and I was specifically concerned about whether things would work out between me and a guy I was interested in. The disciplines that I had fought to build up for three months all washed away in a sea of stress and tears.

I never really got them back. Even though those classes ended the first week of May, I was behind on my notes to the widows and the girls, and my Bible reading was nonexistent. “There’s no way I’m getting caught up again,” and I continued to believe so as I marched through Summer, refusing to make any more goals.

I was spiritually anemic. I knew the feeling of lacking nutrients well, as I had grown up and lived with iron-deficient anemia all my life. It was just this summer that I was actually diagnosed with the deficiency. I always felt overly fatigued, lacking the ability to participate in activities or get anything done around the house. While my anemia was serious, as it was impairing my day-to-day life, spiritual fatigue is a much more serious deficiency.

Spiritual fatigue affects your whole life. I was fatigued from ministry, struggling to want to get involved with different events or pass out brochures inviting people to church. It extended to my job, where I laid low and did my responsibilities, unwilling to help out others when it was in my power to help them. I made no time for a healthy dose of Bible-reading time and energizing prayer, and I lacked the joy of the Lord. Naturally, because we understand that the joy of the Lord is our strength, as Nehemiah says in Nehemiah 8:10, my spiritual muscles were atrophied and wasting away.

I let my stubbornness get the best of me. Because of my busyness in March and even before then, I had determined that I didn’t have time to shift the time I taught my kid’s class so that I could teach at a different hour. This made it so that I couldn’t attend my small group class with the people my age. I was uninvolved in that area, which stretched to other places in my life. This led to me spending the majority of my time at home, and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve learned more and more that I’m more of an extrovert than I previously thought I was. I thrive off of being able to help others and connect them to other friends to create new friendships. I love spending time with people to get to know them and how I could minister to meet their needs.

But my stubbornness kept seeing these times as I worked to schedule lunch or dinner plans with friends, or runs to the store for those who needed it, or ministering to one of the girls in my class, as a waste of time and energy.

Reading my Bible was a waste of time and energy.

Waking up early to take care of my responsibilities was a waste of time and energy.

Investing in hobbies and activities was a waste of time and energy.

And before I knew it, Satan created a foothold in my mind. What was first my sinful, self-centered decision to focus on my future and what I could do for myself turned into an ugly monster of selfish greed and laziness. It was hideous to look at, but I could hide it away, so long as I didn’t make the time to see it for what it really was.

What began to open up my heart and my life were the international students that the college I work at welcomed this semester. Each one of these students stepped out in faith, many of them coming to America for the first time so that they could learn more about working in the ministry. Each one of them walks around campus, and many don’t know the situations they face with families thousands of miles away from home and ministries that need their help.

Many of these students were unfamiliar with American culture and needed someone to stand in the gap and help them understand what to do from day to day.

The Lord said, “You, Rebekah. You must be this person.”

That foothold that Satan put in my mind reared its ugly head. “You don’t have the time or the money to do this, Rebekah! Look what He wants you to do! You’ll be poor for the rest of your life and exhausted for even longer.”

God had continuously asked me to do things for Him: share the Good News, get involved in a small group class, teach at an earlier time, help meet this person’s need. In the past, I had said, “Well, I’m too busy for that, God. You understand that. You understand everything about me.”

He even understood that ugly monster of selfish greed and laziness that was threatening to swallow me alive.

And He was working to vanquish that ugly monster but wanted me to see it for what it was and to ask Him for his help in taking it away.

So I said yes to helping the international students. Each one responded with such gratitude and kindness, and I could feel that the hardened shell I had erected of “I’m too busy” was swiftly being chipped away. As I’m writing this, I can see that God used that opportunity to drive a wedge that would completely destroy any excuse I had for why I wasn’t being obedient to Him.

The second thing that would obliterate those excuses was something that happened all week last week. It was actually something I had been looking forward to since the middle of the summer, but it means so much more to me now than it did then. This instance would show me something I had heard and known for a long while but hadn’t let sit in my heart until I really knew what it meant:

God’s timing is better than I could ever make it.

This truth is three-fold in its construction and requires an entire week’s worth of events to explain. It won’t take too long, though. Let me take some time to explain.

People interested in the college where I work can schedule visits to spend some time in classes and see how campus life is run. I received word from leadership that a missionary from Japan we supported in our combined college-local church ministry was going on furlough in September and would bring his wife and two girls he knew. The girls had expressed their need for some council and direction in their lives, and their pastor and his wife took the second mile and introduced them to Bible college as an option.

Because of my love for the Japanese language and culture, I asked to host the girls, which involved taking them to the classes they were interested in, sitting with them in the chapel, and hosting them for meals. I was expecting communication to be a little rocky at first. From my studies, I learned that while students in Japan are taught English, the four language skills of listening, reading, speaking, and writing are not all taught on the same level of proficiency. In the case of Japan’s skill gap, students can craft well-written sentences since they are taught to write and read well, but their ability to listen to audible conversation is not developed, and their speaking skills are unpracticed, especially when it comes to their understanding of pronunciation.

While I had understood this fact, I had not observed it until this week. The first few days were a steep learning curve for the three of us as they were immersed in English-only classes. I watched firsthand how two English Language Learners (ELLs) worked to understand their second language. 

God used that opportunity in my life to show me how I could better communicate with these students and meet their communication needs. I know for a fact that I will use what I learned from my interactions with them in the future for other ELLs. Here’s the first lesson he taught me: 

God will use the simplest things in your life to help you grow and learn. 

It was an eye-opening experience, not only because it allowed me to practice a few of the communication skills I had learned in my program but also because it made me realize just how much of the language I lacked. One thing I kept asking God in these last few months was, “God, why can’t I just go to the mission field now? I have qualifications, and I can work in a church office setting. Why can’t I just go now?” I had no support raised and still didn’t have a completed MA. The argument I made with God was short-sighted and full of pride (a word that I really hate, let’s be honest, but one that needs to be said). Speaking with these girls was eye-opening because I realized just how frustrated I would have been if I decided to go right to the mission field. Sure, I could have enrolled in language school, but knowing how I worked, I would have wanted to use the language right away, not work on writing the correct characters and learning the different writing systems. I would have been more discouraged than I was before, and it would have probably led to supreme bitterness. Here’s another truth I needed to learn:

You are not where you know the Lord wants you to be in the future yet because he’s still preparing you here in the present. 

It may take weeks. It may take months and years, but if you are staying close to the Lord and obeying what He asks of you now, He will continue to shape you and grow you into the individual He wants you to become. 

As I was going through the week, those I work with constantly asked, “Are they going to come to the college? Are they going to come??” I understand why they kept asking — without these students coming, we don’t really have a college or a job. But I found myself getting discouraged. Why was I spending all of this time struggling to communicate with these girls and showing them around the various parts of the campus? I had other responsibilities to take care of. Why was I called to do this? 

My negativity continued as I walked into our mid-week service and sat with the girls. I sang the hymns with a smile but wondered why things had turned out this week. 

We have a missionary highlight frequently for our midweek service, and it just so happened that the missionary who was being interviewed and was presenting his ministry was the missionary who started the church that one of the girls was from. Her father became the national pastor of the church and is leading the congregation. This missionary is now in northern Japan, but gave a testimony of a lady in the area getting saved after weeks of outreach. 

The third lesson I was taught was spoken to me in my heart and brought me to tears: 

“My child, I am still working. While you may not see me at work in big ways in your life, I am still orchestrating everything for your good. Please stay faithful. I will reward your faith in the end. I just need you to watch me work and do what I  have called you to.” 

It was a big moment in my life, one that I will not easily forget. I had always heard of the Lord speaking to people in guiding them where to go, but I had never experienced it in my life in such a profound way. 

It brought tears to my eyes. Here, in my limited view of life, I was frustrated and fearful of the future. Ever since March, I had taken my worry into my own hands and refused to let go, to give God my concerns and trust them in His hands. My spiritual anemia had rendered me ineffective and quite bitter if I’m being honest. I was frustrated with the Lord and my circumstances and let that frustration consume my life. 

And yet, in His patience, the Lord said, “Rebekah, trust in me. I have the ministry for you in the future. I may have a person to do life with in the future. I have an expected end for you in mind. Trust in me.” 

What a patient God we serve! To think, He created the stars and organized them and inspired us to see images within them. To think, He calls the flower buds to bloom in their time and the seedlings to sprout in theirs. To think, He stays beside me, calling me by my name and asking me to trust in Him. He never forces Himself. He waits patiently, pointing me to Him as long as I pay attention.

Being an adult is hard. It’s filled with many unknowns that seem to multiply depending on just what is going on in your life. We never have to walk alone or in the dark, though. Our Heavenly Father will guide us in the way so long as we give him the reins and follow His leading. I have replaced those disciplines in my life and will work to be faithful to them as I am responsible for the things that He has given me. 

We cannot let our busyness get in the way of our obedience to the Lord. He has given us these opportunities that keep our calendars full, but he can also take them away in an instant. 

All He wants is obedience, and I will do my best to be obedient to my Heavenly Father. I may fail at times and return to Him confessing my failure, but I will follow Him. It’s the least I can do for the One who gave His life for me. 

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I hope you enjoyed this post! I’ve decided to hold myself to a schedule for this publication. I will post a personal essay once a month, usually in the middle of the month. I’ll then have my monthly summary at the beginning of each month. I think that’ll be a good balance to help me write about something on my heart and stay productive in my personal life.

Also, for anyone who is interested, I will soon be starting a history publication covering Taisho-era Japan and the many things that defined the era! If that is something you are interested in, or you think someone else would be interested, it would be wonderful if you could follow me and share this publication so that you can get alerted when that starts! Have a wonderful rest of your week, friends!